history part one

it was august 11th, 2005. a day i'm sure i will never forget. my husband came to me and said that he was very unhappy and that he loved me, but wasn't sure he was "in love" with me anymore.

shock and awe.

he went through all of the things that he was unhappy about... i cut him off in conversation, he feels unnecessary and unimportant around the house, i disregard his feelings and opinions on things, i don't talk to him anymore, that i had given up on our marriage. he then proceeded to tell me that maybe we would be happier if we split.

huh?

we were standing in our kitchen. i was leaning against the stove. he was on the other side of the kitchen counter. i talked to him, tears streaming down my face. okay, let's face it, it was more like niagra falls. i told him i hadn't realized that he was unhappy. to tell me more about what i was doing wrong so i could fix them.

he pointed out some things i was doing, like doting on him, doing things around the house without consulting with him, finishing his sentences, moving too fast. i cried some more.

i couldn't believe that this kind of conversation was happening. i couldn't believe that my husband, my best friend, the love of my life, was telling me that he wasn't in love with me anymore. how could this be???

he went back to tell me that obviously i hadn't been happy either. back in june (nearly two months after my grandmother had passed away, to whom i was very close) i had gone on antidepressants. i went to the doctor to find out why i was crying uncontrollably and had been off and on for several months. i hadn't even told him i had an appointment with the doctor and why. i simply called him at work and told him that i had a prescription and intended to use it. talk about left field. and since i didn't reach out to him, he said that was me running away from him. although i do remember during that telephone conversation, he kept asking me what he had done to not support me and what could he do to help me.

little did i know...