walking out

i never thought my husband would walk out of the house angry. he's been upset before. he's yelled. he's gone to the next room. i'm the one who walks away.

but tonight, he walked out of the house. simply turned off his computer, put on his shoes, told the boys to come and give him kisses. told me he was going out. i asked him when he'd be back. he said he didn't know. and he left.

stick a firecracker up my butt.

it's really hard to be angry at someone who is not there, although i think we've all tried.

he wasn't there to fight with. not that i fight much. i fight with him more in my head than with him directly.

but he left.

and now he's back. it's been a bit over an hour and a half. which means he didn't go to her house, unless she met him. he may have talked to her. i don't know. i guess i'm at the i-don't-care stage.

it's amazing how physical the feeling of devastation and heartbreak can be.

i'm going to bed now. i spent the time he was gone picking up around the house. he's watching a movie. i'm going to go upstairs and do the same. if he wants to talk, he'll have to come find me. i'm not walking out. at least, not tonight.