it's good to be surrounded...
...by people who know. by people who don't care. by family. by loved ones. by people who by extension become part of your family. by people who you don't have to say anything to or explain, they just understand.
i struggle with wanting to run away. my husband and i have even been discussing it. sometimes the urge is overwhelming. i just want to leave this place. i want to move far, far away.
my brother-in-law called yesterday and we chatted for a while. it was nice to be able to talk and throw some stuff out there. i told him that part of me wants to go away because i think that everyone around us judges us. or shall i say judges me? with every look, every comment, every move, i think that others judge me and my decisions. it's a horrible thing to live with. but my brother-in-law put it very succinctly: we don't think about it all that much. and for those who have the audacity to judge, fuck 'em. you don't need them.
he's right.
but i still want to move. i'm ready for a new adventure.
posted by samantha alexander @ 9:29 AM
2 Comments:
I spent most of my life running away. Truth be told, I ran away from my first marriage. I probably could have worked it out, but I chose the easy way out. Sure, the guy was a drunk and drug addict, but he DID get clean and sober (and still is to this day, so far as I know) - and he BEGGED me to come back. By then, I was SO far gone.
I sometimes wonder where my life would be had I stuck with him. We had no children back then (due to his meddling parents)...would we have some now? Would I have been a SAHM, or continued to work to make ends meet? We lived an OK life, not extravagant, but by no means poor. Last year, I saw his (my) old house - it's STILL his house, and he's done SO much to it...things he promised me, but never got around to doing. I know people talked badly about us, about ME, but I DID have the "I don't give a f&&&" attitude. It helped.
But then I look at my life now, with my two wonderful children and my loving husband. I wouldn't have THIS life. I HAVE wanted to run from this life...but I choose not to, because there are too many people who WOULD be hurt.
Don't run, Sam. Stay.
Hey girl, I'm thinking about you. Just that. Thinking about you and not caring about all the other stuff in your life. Just wishing you the best.
Post a Comment
<< Home