peace at the lake

we went camping this weekend at a lake about an hour and a half from our house. besides the fact that he was a little cranky when we left home and when we got there (and acknowledged it!!! mark that date on the calendar!), we had a great time.

his parents were in the site next to us (it was planned that way). it was nice to get away and let the kids play and relax. we rented a pontoon boat on saturday and cruised the lake while stopping occasionally to fish. yeah, to fish, not catch. apparently the fish don't like us.

my husband was in his usual form... making jokes and picking on everybody. he was happy and laughing and the rest of us were too. it was a great weekend.

on the way home i was thinking to myself that i just needed to start being normal... as opposed to a wife that is getting over stuff. make sense? just be normal.

keep your fingers crossed that this works!

let me build one for you right now!

he just called me on his way to the dealership. now mind you, the dealership is over on the side of town that he grew up in. and yes, there has been a lot of building and such in the 12 years he's been on "this side" of town. but he wants to know where the closest gas station is to the dealership.

so i give him two options.

not good enough.

then i give him a third.

still not good enough.

"dear god" is what i hear come out of his mouth. and if you heard the way he said it, you'd see his eyes roll back in his head and hear the "oooooooohhhhhh" in the back of his throat.

like i'm supposed to come over there and build a freakin' gas station for you right there in the middle of town? gimme a break.

i had even apologized for the miscommunication just 40 minutes earlier...

oy ve.

are you kidding me??

i mean really, you've got to be joking. you can't be serious.

it's said that when you assume something you make an "ass" out of "u" and "me." i assume often. but then again, i don't think my husband is always very specific.

we had a rental car yesterday that we re-picked up (they didn't fix my car right so we got back the same rental car we just turned in). my husband says to me as he starts the car, "do i have to worry about gas in this thing?" i said "no." we go on our merry way.

both of our cars are done at the dealership today, so i go back to pick up my car (after the shuttle comes to pick up me and the youngest). i take a few extra moments and pay for his car so that all he has to do is drop off the rental and pick up the keys to his car and jet home. i leave him a voicemail to that effect.

this afternoon i shoot him an e-mail telling him that he has to fill the gas tank in the rental car to just below 1/2 tank before turning it in or they'll charge us $5 a gallon. just want to give you a heads up.

no sooner do i hit "send" and the phone rings. "i asked you that question yesterday." what?? "i said do i have to worry about gas and you said no." i don't remember you asking that question and me giving that response. he spelled out when it happened. and i said yeah, i thought you were asking me if you needed more gas to get to work tomorrow. i was telling you that you were fine.

dang if he wasn't pissed at 1) the inconvenience that he has to a) get gas in the car and b) guess how much it will take to put it just below the halfway point and 2) that i accepted a rental car that did not have a full gas tank and 3) that i did not tell him yesterday that he had to worry about gas in that thing.

are you kidding me??

i apologized for not understanding his question. although i pointed out that if he had been more specific in his question that i would have answered it differently.

but give me a break.

any thank you's out there for lining stuff up at the dealership so you just had to pick up your car?

anyone? anyone? are you there?

oh brother.

it's good to be surrounded...

...by people who know. by people who don't care. by family. by loved ones. by people who by extension become part of your family. by people who you don't have to say anything to or explain, they just understand.

i struggle with wanting to run away. my husband and i have even been discussing it. sometimes the urge is overwhelming. i just want to leave this place. i want to move far, far away.

my brother-in-law called yesterday and we chatted for a while. it was nice to be able to talk and throw some stuff out there. i told him that part of me wants to go away because i think that everyone around us judges us. or shall i say judges me? with every look, every comment, every move, i think that others judge me and my decisions. it's a horrible thing to live with. but my brother-in-law put it very succinctly: we don't think about it all that much. and for those who have the audacity to judge, fuck 'em. you don't need them.

he's right.

but i still want to move. i'm ready for a new adventure.