hope continues

i can't believe that we've been going through this for so long. my grandmother died over a year ago. it was last august, around the time of my son's second birthday, that my husband came to me and told me he was unhappy. yeah, august 11th. a day i'll never forget. the good thing is that now i look at it as being the start of the healing process, as opposed to the beginning of the end. that's a good thing.

i have to say, that if there is anyone out there who is looking for hope, you need to check out this website: www.retrouvaille.org. it truly is a lifesaver. it gives hope when there is none. it surrounds you with people who believe that marriage is something to be saved, not given up on. it gives hope and support and love and acceptance and understanding. the rest of the world does not understand. the rest of the world doesn't care. the rest of the world wants to fight back because you hurt. and the rest of the world does not know how to tell you to keep your marriage.

we have our moments... that will continue for quite sometime. but we have learned to be more patient with each other. he with me, and i with him. there are still rocky days. wow. rocky moments. let me tell you. but the bottom line is that i want to win this... i want to be the one with my husband, happy, intact, raising our children together. i don't want to do it alone. i don't want to do it complicated by someone else (his honey or mine) and their input. that's not fair to our children. it's not fair to us.

our family deserves to survive. damnit, i'm good enough for it. and my children are good enough. and my husband is too. and we will survive.